Friday, October 15, 2010

Boyfriend Application

My Roomie is on the hunt for a new fella, and someone sent him a "boyfriend application." Finding it largely irrelevant, I reworked it for him. I'm nice like that.

1. Your Name:

2. Age:

3. Fave Color:

4. Sign:

5. Location:

6. Height:

7. Hair Color:

9. Piercings/Tattoos:

10. Marital Status/Current Dating Situation:

11. Additional Websites You Want To Provide URLS to with Info About You:



All About You!


1. You're walking down the street and usually...


a - the fellas fall all over themselves to get your number.

b - your earphones are on and you're oblivious to your surroundings.

c - people cross to the other side because of my stone cold gaze.

d - are you effing kidding me? this is Toronto - we ignore strangers here.


2. To make ends meet, you...


a - work a job you hate for great money and or perks.

b - work a job you love for next to nothing, but you're happy.

c - support the global economy via the bank of mom and dad.

d - you rent yourself to science or older affluent gentlemen.


3. Your ex boyfriend calls you...


a - 'his boyfriend' because you're still dating him.

b - all the time because he's not over you.

c - on your birthday because you're still on good terms.

d - 'that guy i wish would die in a fire.'


4. Your idea of a great date


a - dinner & drinks and a movie.

b - a walk about town.

c - drinking/snorting/smoking your feelings til you're making out with that drag queen with a garbage bag stuffed dress because hey.. we're just casual right?

d - some adventure dealie like white water rafting or cliff diving.

e - doesn't matter as long as you put out.


5. There's music playing - Bad Romance comes on. You...


a- bust out the dance moves in a display of your utter fierceness.

b - what's playing? I don't know this song.

c - sing along.

d - break into the "i shit my pants" parody version to avoid blood trickling from your ears.


ME ME ME


1. Oh NO! I have to bail on our super fun plans because I've come down with the guatemalan zombie hooker flu, probably from my jerkass roomie. You...


a - show up armed with neo citran, tissues and bad movies.

b - understand and reschedule.

c - stay away - you're not getting ME sick too!

d - suddenly have a handy excuse to ask out one of my friends!


2. I'm being hit on at a party where I'm working. You...


a - step in and advise the m-fer to back off and get his own sammich.

b - punch first, ask questions later.

c - three's company tooooo.

d - get that you're dating someone who isn't going to succumb to the advances of yet another drunk wannabe at a work function, and get us another beer.


3. OOPS! I missed your call. You...


a - leave a message saying hey and trust a return call will happen.

b - call a couple more times because maybe I didn't hear the phone.

c - send a handful of text messages asking where I am / what I'm doing / why for the love of sarah jessica parker am I not calling you back RIGHT NOW?!?!

d - break it off - how DARE I not be waiting by the phone for your call?


4. BLAST! We've only been seeing each other a week and you discover I'm actually SUPER nerdy. You...


a - laugh it off, they're only comics. It can't be that bad.. can it?

b - find it endearing as long as you don't have to talk about which spiderman was better.

c - RUN! You can't be seen with someone who knows the difference between marvel and dc.

d - disrobe to reveal your superman underoos.


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